


You Deserve Better

by ArtisticallyInsightful1



Category: KISS (US Band)
Genre: Denial, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, POV Second Person, References to Depression, Short One Shot, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 05:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17677088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtisticallyInsightful1/pseuds/ArtisticallyInsightful1
Summary: Paul is floating through life detached from those around him. There is a void that exists deep within him and he will do anything he can to fill it, even if that means using the people in his life to get even a second of relief.





	You Deserve Better

**Author's Note:**

> Surprisingly enough I do not ship this. But one day I started thinking about the possibility of Vinnie having a crush on Paul and then wrote this in one sitting. The idea came from another KISS story that I'm currently working on that includes a happy Vinnie that does not get along with Paul. 
> 
> So I guess this story is an alternate universe version of the other story I'm working on? IDK.
> 
> This story was longer than this but the further the story went, the more depressing it got so I just cut it off at Paul going to sleep. I don't know if I'll ever write happy Vinnie X Paul stories since I don't ship them and only wrote this out of curiosity. For some reason, this ship only brings up depressing thoughts. Oh well...

I gasp as hands run up my thighs and grip my hips. The fingernails dig into my skin causing me to hiss and grip at your hair. My jaw drops as I look down to see your face buried between my trembling thighs. You're working me quickly since we're backstage, a very risky move but I couldn't resist the temptation. The thrill of almost getting caught overpowers my common sense.

I tried to ignore you prancing about onstage and pouting at me every so often. I knew that you were overplaying on purpose. You simply wanted attention. You wanted to be punished. You knew how much I hated when you overplayed during your solos. You wanted to be the center of attention at all times just like me, but there can only be one star.

What better way to put you in your place than to shove my cock down your throat.

I have to fight back a loud whine as you speed up. I bite down onto my bottom lip as I feel my climax swiftly approaching. I don't want the pleasure to end but I know that if I don't finish soon we'd be running the risk of getting caught.

I grip your hair hard enough to rip a few of the strands as I release in your mouth. You obediently swallow my seed, I watch as you look up at me for approval. Your stare is so intense that I look away, you simply get up and fluff your hair as though nothing ever happened.

The way you lick your lips and smirk at me makes my heart skip a beat.

Your face starts to blur in my mind and suddenly I am no longer looking at you, I am instead looking at a lover of my past. He smirks, winks, and lets out a shrill cackle as he makes a crude joke about my speedy climax and goes to strap on his guitar.

What was with my fascination with lead guitarists?

I fix myself up and avoid your eyes as much as possible. I feel your gaze on me as I look everywhere but you and I feel guilt wash over me in waves.

''Paul...'' Your deep voice coos.

I go on ignoring you. I wonder how it is you deal with me. Who in their right minds would deal with me? I'm a schmuck in denial. I can't be left alone with my feelings for longer than five minutes or my mind starts to eat me alive. I feel crushed under the weight of my regrets, longing, and the void. The void that eats me alive, I try to fill it with groupies, performing, occasionally booze, and now you.

I've always needed a fix for this void. This void that tears me apart. I know it's wrong of me to use you. I just don't know how to go on without something to distract me. From my inner critic, my perceived failures and shortcomings.

''Paul...''

I refuse to look at you.

When Gene and Eric walk in looking ready to perform you leave to touch up your makeup.

The show was great, I fed off of the crowd and avoided you the entire time. I mostly interacted with Gene and the audience. I didn't want to see the hurt in your eyes.

I left the stage first and locked myself in my dressing room. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard knocks at my door,''W-Who is it?''

''The groupies are back here waiting!'' It was Gene.

''Uh...not tonight!'' I yell back.

''Suit yourself! More for me!'' Gene calls back gleefully and I roll my eyes.

I clean my face and let out a long sigh. I have already made plans to sulk and feel sorry for myself all night and that was more than enough. After a few moments, I started to regret turning down the willing distractions in the other room.

My train of thought is broken by soft timid knocks at my door. I ignore them already suspecting who it is.

''Paul?'' your voice sounds so broken that I feel my heart ache,''Paul? Paul...talk to me...what did I do?''

I close my eyes and try my best to ignore the guilt building in my chest.

''Fine! Have it your way!'' you shout before leaving my door.

I sigh feeling disgusted with myself, what do you see in me? All I ever do is toy with you. Why do you tolerate me? You deserve better. I know it and I know that you know it. You just refuse to admit it for whatever reason. I hope that one day you wise up and give up on me.

...

The next few days were awkward. Gene went around being his usual perverted self, Eric who always sensed any tension in the band was working extra hard to make everyone smile, and you seemed to be in your own world once again.

I've noticed that about you and it deeply fascinates me. I would give anything to know what is going through your mind. You're so guarded and sometimes when you speak it is cryptic. You seem to go off into a world of your own even when we are at parties. You get a glazed look in your eyes and sometimes you even close them. I always wonder what could be going through your mind as you drift into your own world.

''PAUL!''

I was broken from my daydreaming by Gene screaming at me.

''Why on earth are you yelling Gene!'' I hiss crossing my legs and trying to appear calm.

''I've been calling you for a minute now...'' Gene deadpans glaring at me. I clear my throat and look away. You seem to be paying attention again, you look at me curiously along with Eric.

''What do you want?'' I ask nervously running my fingers through my hair.

''You looked upset,'' Gene says genuinely sounding concerned.

''Oh. I was just thinking is all...'' I say shrugging.

''Mm-hm...'' Gene says looking unconvinced.

The band meeting was swift and to the point, as soon as Gene finished talking, I rushed to leave and head back to my hotel room. I wasn't the least bit surprised when you came knocking at my door once again.

I let you in this time.

It was barely a minute of small talk before we started making love to each other. Your kisses were gentle and passionate. I felt as though I was at two places at once. I kept slipping back into thoughts of my ex. About how he kissed me, touched me, and made love to me.

The closer I got to orgasm the further away my brain felt. My hips were thrusting mindlessly as my brain drew a blank from the pleasure. I gripped you as though my life depended on it, my hips thrusting wildly as I rode out my orgasm speaking words but not knowing what was passing through my lips.

It took me a moment to come to and when I did I noticed that you looked appalled beneath me. I blink a few times and check to see if I forgot to get you off before chasing my own pleasure.

You did finish so, I was confused as to what your expression meant.

I didn't have much time to think before your hand came up in a blur and slapped me across the face. My vision blurred as I cupped my stinging cheek.

''Get off me you bastard!''

As I rub my cheek all I can breathe out is a pathetic,''What!?''

''Get off of me!'' you roar before slapping me a few more times. I pull out and barely have time to steady myself before I am winded once more by you kicking me in the stomach and off the bed. You get up with a growl and hurriedly put on your clothes.

''What did I do?'' I wheeze from the floor.

''Why don't you ask Ace you fucking low life!?'' you roar putting on your shoes and stomping to the door. I struggle to get up while cursing myself inwardly for being so careless. By the time I'm standing you're already out of the door.

I struggle to put my sleep pants back on while I desperately try to search my brain for answers.

What did Ace have to do with this? I haven't thought about him since last week. Maybe I thought about him a little during sex with Vinnie, but it was just a little.

I throw on my bathrobe and house shoes before opening up the door to look for Vinnie. Eric who was staying in the room across from us was peeking out of his door. As soon as he notices me he slams the door shut.

There's a movement to my left and it takes me a moment to realize that it's Gene.

''What was that about Paul?'' He questions in that all-knowing tone that makes my skin crawl. I feel anger rise in my throat I have to bite back the bitter words threatening to claw their way out. I was definitely not in the mood for Gene and his bullshit.

''It was nothing...we had a disagreement is all...'' I mumble avoiding Gene's stern gaze. I felt like a child being reprimanded.

''Paul can I have a talk with you?'' Gene asks a threat looming in his voice.

''No. I've gotta go find Vinnie,'' I say still refusing to look at him.

''Vinnie can take care of himself...'' Gene says crossing his arms.

''I said no Gene.'' I shoot back feeling the anger in my gut increase, I subconsciously ball my fists at my sides.

''What did I tell you about this Paul?'' Gene chastizes me.

''Nothing is happening...'' I sigh out knowing that Gene doesn't believe my lie for a second.

''I'm sure that Vinnie disagrees,'' Gene says cocking his head.

''Mind your own damn business!'' I shout feeling exposed, I know that Gene knows what happened. Hell, he probably even heard it. I did not need him to add to the intense shame that I already feel deep inside.

Gene's tone aggravates me,''When will you learn to stop this!?''

I ignore Gene's chastising tone in favor of slamming my door, curling up on my bed, and concentrating on forcing out the world as best as I can.

''I will have a talk with you one of these days! You can't run away from reality forever Paul!'' Gene's voice taunts me outside of my door. It shakes me, I tremble like a leaf and clutch my head. In a flurry of emotions, I search through my luggage on the floor and retrieved some sleeping pills. I just needed my mind to stop. The thoughts swirling in my head were driving me insane and I didn't want to entertain them in fear for the floodgates opening. In fear of my demons consuming me completely.

I feel shame for so many things I even feel shame for needing sleeping pills in order to achieve a normal sleep schedule. The shame that flowed through me in tidal waves along with various other emotions that I dare not confront was all too much.

I let out a grateful sigh as I slip out of consciousness.

You deserve better than this Vinne.


End file.
